Friends,

   We live in a world full of contradictions. A world of smoke-screens and red herrings. In the words of the Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, "We're all mad." I was hesitant to show you the above picture where I'm wearing glasses and have my hair pulled back in a ponytail because I don't look my best. I'm not a people-pleaser, but I do love admiration. I take pleasure in saying 'no,' but I hate saying, 'I don't know.'
   
     I'm mad, you see. I have a skewed perception of reality. I  see admiration as a necessity, when the truth of the matter is, what people think of you only affects who you are in so much as you allow their perceptions to change your behavior. If I am actually smart, it matters very little in the end, whether people consider me an imbecile, so long as what's most important in my life is being accomplished. If I am actually better looking in real life than in a picture, the picture is of little consequence in the end.

    Being a Christian in the world of academia exposes me to plenty of the kind of criticism which I hate. "So, you actually believe in angels and devils and stuff?" *sneer.*  "Religion is just one of those crutches people use to help them cope with life." *pitying smile.* "Too bad your parents raised you to be so closed-minded, but someday you're going get a taste of reality and learn to start thinking for yourself." *knowing wink.*

     It makes me want to shake something very hard. (I don't because I always regret it after I do. I usually content myself with skipping in a circle before replying, just to get my energy out).

     So, why am I a Christian? Is it worth it?

 I'm not going to go into the logical reasoning behind the existence of God, the inspiration of the Bible, and the purpose of the Christian life. I hope you all take for granted that I've fully explored these fundamentals to the point that nobody can say my beliefs are anybody's but my own.

   Instead, I'm going to share with you a journal entry I wrote a few days ago, during a moment of introspection.

I realized something.

I was completely sane when I wrote that journal entry. My mind wasn't making any decisions for me, I knew where I stood, and the ground was firm. Those other times when I lose my temper at others, or worry about my social image after releasing a picture I consider less than flattering - those are the times I'm madder than the mad hatter, and, I believe we all share a similar plight.

So now, without further ado, this is the first entry in a new journal, having just finished one I started back in January of 2015.






July 12, 2019        Friday

    Another chapter of my life begins. Yes, it is the middle of July. There's not a breeze outside to distill the thick, muggy heat of a North Carolina summer. I am stretched out on my stomach in front of the fan, eagerly awaiting the end of another miserable season, but that doesn't mean there can't be new beginnings. Stuffy air, thank heavens, does not exclude fresh starts.

     When I began my last journal I was eighteen. I dreamed that by the time I began a new volume, wedding bells would have rung. Perhaps I'd be expecting my first child. The bells did ring but they were for my sister, and the child I currently expect is my first nibling(a term for nieces and nephews - genius, isn't it?).
     
     And yet, as I pen these words, I am by no means unhappy, for as a wise friend reminded me recently, we are never better off than in the place where God has us right now.

     We live in a world full of people who are wise in their own estimation - such as myself. Who believe they can steer their own ships - as I am so prone to desire to do. Who would rather rule in hell, than be servants in heaven - oh for humility. Many years ago I handed the reins of my life over to God, but only recently have I come to realize how little I want to do with the world's philosophy.

    I am foolish.
    I am weak.
    I was created for service.

And with that realization, I find the world at my feet. 

They laugh. 

They tell me I am deluded, or, worse, brain-washed. 

    I used to bristle at these mockeries. I would return to my books to reassure myself that Christianity did indeed have its bedrock in fact. Sometimes I tried to ignore the facts because it seemed easier to slide along with the fantasies of the age, to ride the downward current instead of pushing my way upstream.

    Yet always I discovered that there are pointed rocks beneath the easy current; points that cut and gouge and leave deep scars which never quite heal in this life. Many times too, I have glimpsed the end of that stream as it careens over the edge of a towering cliff and smashes into the boulders beneath, shattering to pieces all who go with it.

     And so I continue to pursue my chosen course, and have begun to discover the joy of the upward climb. I've lived the peace and wealth of a life set apart.

      The world may well call me a fool and give me condescending looks. I drink from a well that makes any other water source taste insipid. I experience a joy no other stimulus can ever hope to provide. 

Instead of grasping for the stars, I enjoy them.

Rather than strive for the wind, I lean back and allow it to caress my cheeks. 

I no longer push ahead in an effort to keep up with life - to get ahead.

I have learned to stand still and let life pass me by. And as it does so, it rewards me with its greatest treasures.

   So it is that I begin my new chapter.

  A life of service. A life content to have its shadow swallowed up in that of another. Here's to my future life and all it holds. 

    Freedom is mine.

    Joy that transcends all sorrow and happiness: mine.

  Friends and family innumerable as the sand on the seashore: mine.

   The everlasting love of The all supreme God: mine.   

...It's all mine. 

   I am a princess above all princesses. An heir above all heirs, for my fortune is inexhaustible. I have only just begun to taste it.

     Come with me.