I was driving home last night when I remarked upon a billboard advertising some sort of health-care. I've seen it multiple times, but this time it struck me especially: "Trust the power of the Blue." It said, advertising for blue cross health care. The funniest thing was my immediate response, "Why would I ever be stupid enough to do that?" 

      It's true, I'm a champion when it comes to not trusting. In this particular case it's a good thing. I know better than to put any sort of hope or trust in something like health insurance, government, or organizations. However, what about when it comes to other things? What about the times when I am called to trust?

       This week I was required to part with a sizable amount of money just to pay for my student visa. It scared me a little, and I had a moment where I was seriously contemplating going back on the entire deal. Maybe I should just stay home in the comfortable little bubble of friends, family, and church I've wrapped myself up in. Maybe I should stay where I always know I'll have enough money for whatever I need to do. 

       And as I prayed desperately, earnestly, "Lord, is this what you want me to do?" I heard Him saying, "Do you believe that I can do this? Do you trust me?"

        "Okay, I'll try." 

I've always known I need to trust the God of the universe more, who has infinite funds at His disposal, but this is another time when I must put rubber to the road. He's led me this far, do I trust that He can take me through? Before I even applied to grad school I asked God that, if it was not His will for me to go, he would have both schools refuse my application, that he would make it abundantly clear throughout the application process that this was not His best for me, that people in my life would warn me away from it. 

     Exactly the opposite happened. 

    And now, am I to waver in the trust I previously had in His leading because of my bank account? 

      In swing dance we do something called the "Trust Fall." It is one of the most terrifying moves for me. Anyone who dances that move with  me can attest to the utter look of terror that appears on my face as I drop, trusting him to hold onto me, and catch me with his knee before I hit the floor. Dancing has helped me realize just how little I trust any man to steer me or support me in any way, and this reflects itself in how little, practically, I trust God.

      Today I'll be heading to a wedding where the Bride and Groom will commit to each other for life. That's a lot of trust to put in each other and God, to commit to another flawed, human being for better or for worse until death parts. I hope and pray that someday I'll be able to stand at that altar and put that same kind of trust in God which they have. 

      Today, God is calling me to trust Him with my wallet, tomorrow with my whole life and heart. Will I trust Him? There is no better foundation for trust, and I know better than to trust myself. If I'm going to trust anyone, I'd like it to be Him who has never failed me thus far, and I know never will. I just need to translate that knowledge from the head to the heart.

      This poem I wrote way back in 2019 during a sermon now seems strangely fitting. As I imagine God speaking to me: