Baking and Bach
Over the past seven days I accomplished two things I've been attempting for quite a while:
1. Record myself singing Bach's lovely aria "Mein Glaubiges Herze"
2. Make a non-soupy blueberry pie
Had it not been for the illness-which-shall-not-be-named, I would certainly not have gotten them done in this season, and perhaps not the next either.
There is a certain amount of contempt for life and living that I've discovered can creep into my attitude after a while.
I turn up my nose at staying home and baking a pie when I could be out at a coffee shop editing stories and people watching. I ignore that song I've been wanting to practice for myself to work on a simple audition song I'll be performing for an audience.
It's a bad position to fall into. I never want to lose the joy of making music for it's own sake, or making a pie just because I can, and yet that was what had happened. I was slowly losing my joy even for my own hobbies but constantly feeding my flesh and humoring myself in the moment.
At first when everyone started cancelling and places closed left and right, I moped.
I shut myself up in my room and did very little worthwhile.
Like an alchoholic drunk on the wine of following my own whims whenever I felt like it, I felt curiously helpless when my drug was taken away.
Now I had to order my day. I had to do the things I'd been putting off. I couldn't excuse myself by saying I was too busy. Now I had do the uncomfortable things, I didn't feel like doing.
Heart cannot tell what disgust I developed as I discovered a new level of selfishness and pointed lack of discipline over that first week.
And then I began to pray.
Crude, simple prayers at first: Lord, make me better; save me from my own devices.
Later they became more eloquent: I cannot accomplish any good thing on my own, help me Lord to redeem this time, and bring You glory even through these circumstances.
Psalm 107 which has always been my anchor became my lifeline:
"They were hungry and thirsty;
Their soul fainted within them.
Their soul fainted within them.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble;
He delivered them out of their distresses.
He delivered them out of their distresses.
He led them also by a straight way,
To go to an inhabited city.
To go to an inhabited city.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness,
And for His wonders to the sons of men!
And for His wonders to the sons of men!
For He has satisfied the thirsty soul,
And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good."
And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good."
He did indeed deliver me. He always does when I ask. Things began to look up, and that's where the pie came in.
I was driving home from one of the few students who hasn't curtailed lessons yet, noted the grocery store and suddenly was struck with a fierce compulsion to make a blueberry pie and do it right this time.
My siblings will be the first to tell you that I have been making blueberry pies for years, but I have come to hold the pie server with trepidation whenever I cut one of mine open. Will the blueberries stay where I put them, or, as I lift out the first piece will the filling go pouring into the empty space like the red sea when Moses closed it over the Egyptians?
For some reason, almost every time, the latter takes place and while my family very kindly assures me that it still tastes good, I hide my face in my hands and let out a long sigh over yet another failure.
Well, this week I looked up several recipes scribbled out proportions to compensate for our pie pans of unusual diameter, and determined that if I had to purchase ten bags of blueberries, I would conquer the interior of this stubborn pie.
Luckily for my budget, the first one succeeded. Alas that the blueberries I got were rather leathery and a bit big (for some reason people buy out the frozen fruit section during a pandemic), however, they stayed in place and I finally knew how to make them do so again.
This may not seem like a revitalizing activity to you, but after not feeling like baking for quite a while, and even as I thought up the idea, not actually wanting to go through with it, I did it and found new life in it.
Since then, the amount of time I have been spending on "I just feel like it" activities has been steadily reduced and I've been doing more things I knew I should be doing and which my better self heartily desired to do. There's been a certain contagious joy in it.
After I get over the initial reluctance to do laundry, I find I rather like it. After I can get past the first repulsion to wipe down the bathroom sink counter, I find it strangely satisfying. After I make myself just get up and clean off my dresser, I discover putting things away really is a pleasant activity.
And so, this afternoon I decided to do another of those things I wanted to do but didn't feel like doing at the moment: Record myself singing "Mein Glaubiges Herze."
Ever since I learned the piece I knew this was one I would retain in my repertoire for the rest of my life. I love the music and I actually love the way it sounds when I sing it, and so I'd resolved that once I got a hang of it, I'd record it, even if I did have to do it with an accompaniment track rather than a live pianist.
I'm going to share the finished product with you. I'm afraid it's not perfect and someday I'd still like to record it with a real pianist, maybe for a real audience. However, for the present, this was a good start and excellent practice. Best of all, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
The lyrics are uniquely suited to my situation. First, they're in German so I know what each word means as I sing it, and secondly it's an exhortation to rejoice because Christ is here.
My faithful heart,
Rejoice, sing, be merry,
Your Jesus is here.
Away with sorrow, Away with lamentation,
I will simply tell you/say to you
My Jesus is near.
And so we should all do whenever we're depressed. Begone sorrow and lamentation for Jesus is here. What better cure for moping, than the King of glory Himself.
Frohlocke, sing, scherze!
~ Christianna
3 comments:
Great encouragement!
God has given you a beautiful voice. Thank you for using it to encourage us during this time. Don't stop singing!
Bridgette, I'm so glad!
Paige, that's good to hear. I'll try not to. :)
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